Yeah, it was time to go back! Take a breather! It was a long hectic semester for me. Not for the load but mainly psychologically I think. I landed here in August and ever since was busy judging myself and the people around me as you can guess from previous two articles.
Of course, there were more observations after the first two weeks as well. Independence of a 1st world nation, I realised, starts from the mindset of the people and their day to day routine. Respect for privacy here is taken to such an extreme that in certain circumstances I heard you are even allowed to shoot a person for invading your personal property without permission! That surprised me so much as a boy who since childhood has been criticising old uncles in India for not giving back a cricket ball even though we were playing at their premises without their permission!
A slightly toned down version of "actions not to be taken abroad" can also be listed by the way. Please don't take shoes off at someone else's apartment here and socks — oh, don't you dare do it. WAY TOO IMPOLITE! One positive flip side of privacy is though "actually minding your own business". Less judgements are passed as literally nobody cares! You will get your space and some more. What this does though is you think more about yourself — and what follows is the next paragraph.
Due to this "private life", very soon the judgement of society faded away. Something more relevant had come up. Now it was just me, judging myself, all the time. Now I may be mixing two things up — living alone and travelling abroad for education, as I was doing both for the first time in 25 years so. Anyway, it's not possible to know exactly which one, but it was the by-product of one of these, I'm sure. When the scrutiny is on you, by yourself, it's really tough to get out boss. Especially when you know you are not up to the mark. I was almost failing in mid-semester exams, the research was not progressing a lot and teaching duties were never ending. It all piles up and one only realises when it overflows. Confidence is a crucial thing and if you don't hold onto it in time, the only place you will be able to "stand and deliver" will be in a washroom! Fortunately I was able to catch up with the pace soon and passed all exams comfortably by the end of the semester. It was all set for a stress buster vacation back to India!
This feeling, of 'a better tomorrow' is so secure and delightful that it makes your today better than any other plans could do. Seriously you will experience it in your adult life — Saturdays are always better than your Sundays. Obviously it's not because of the plans you have for that day, it's just because of a literally "better tomorrow" feeling. Like the movie dialogue in Pursuit of Happiness, I quote: this part, this little part, is called happiness. But boy it wasn't gonna be easy — life had plans as well for me, as it wasn't a single player game, I realised!
The Lord Covid made sure till the end that I wasn't sure whether I would be able to fly or not! Calculations of time of testing, availability of centres and uncertainty of results were more complicated than some of the quantum mechanical equations! Luckily the Schrödinger's cat was alive and I got my results 6 hours prior to departure. The flight was direct and I also got nice company of a batchmate at the airport which made the delay bearable. Apart from cursing the Chicago airport food facilities for their pricing and quality, I also made plans in my head about what all things lie ahead as a part of homecoming!
Finally I landed in Delhi. Yessss! I am back home. But wait, is something wrong? I was here to take a breather then why can't I breathe perfectly? My god, it's the POLLUTION! I already started judging myself in the eyes of fellow Indians as a typical "NRI" who complains about pollution and noise after coming back home. But trust me it's true. Except one thing — that it all fades away once you reach your colony, your native place. Once the familiar buildings are in sight, the air gets cleaner instantly and one sees nothing but a large influx of emotions. When you go from point A to point B, you only realise how far you went after coming back to point A!
A man who doesn't let the emotions flow after coming back home isn't worthy of them. The moments were precious, even though it was just 5 months since I saw them. Like I said earlier, your thought of better tomorrow affects your today — similarly it was the feeling of the upcoming 1 year gap too which was inevitable. Anyway, now I was at a place where you can be utmost irresponsible and still get away with it! Trust me, if you go out and fail at 100 things, still you come back home always as a superstar in the eyes of your parents!
By the time jetlag went away, half the trip was over! Got tested every few days and used up all my negative thoughts to stay negative on COVID results each time! Fell sick, tested the patience of parents and friends and made them align their routines successfully for 2 weeks. It's good to be selfish sometimes, no? Talked to different groups of friends, met those whom I — or other NRIs as well — stay in contact by one way or the other to stay relevant in their lives from 8000 miles apart! (Don't search on the internet, it's roughly the distance between India and USA — just making a point!)
But it was time to come back. One thing that no one ever wants to see change is their home. Life goes on, that's true. If it was possible to halt one part of the world and fast forward the other, it would have been much simpler. Unfortunately, time flows the same for every one of us. Don't listen to Einstein and his relativity — doesn't work here. Anyway, all in all I think, the first trip back home was a success. Hopefully all subsequent trips have the same conclusion and nothing changes. Nothing!